By Daniel R. Butler, Leland Gregory, Alan Ray

This hysterical number of tales of tangible crimes devoted by means of clumsy crooks and fumbling felons could have you guffawing out loud at painfully dumb makes an attempt at crime. Illustrated.

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Extra resources for America's Dumbest Criminals: Wild and Weird Stories of Fumbling Felons, Clumsy Crooks, and Ridiculous Robbers

Sample text

In this case, she really did try to let him down easy, but he was distraught. He was fuming as he barreled out of her kitchen door and into the night. The brokenhearted Romeo staggered through the fields in the throes of lover’s angst. Then he saw his weapon, seized it, and started back to his girlfriend’s house. In a rage, Romeo returned and chased his ex-girlfriend around the kitchen with a large snapping turtle. He was much faster than Juliet and he easily caught her in the small kitchen, but he couldn’t get the turtle to bite her.

The drug dog was vindicated. 29 Bare Truth In a small town in Texas late on a Saturday afternoon, a small mom-and-pop store was robbed by a lone gunman. The prime suspect was quickly spotted. In fact, everybody in town spotted him. They didn’t even need a detailed description. The fleeing felon was running down the street completely naked. But Ted Jowers had a great alibi ready for the police officers who stopped him. “I like to get in touch with nature when I jog,” he told them. Somehow, though, Ted didn’t seem like the nature type—or the jogging type, for that matter.

She was right about that, too, Hawkins thought as he looked at a substantial woman in the corner nonchalantly folding some sheets. I certainly wouldn’t mess with Connie! Hawkins got back in the squad car and told Jack he was under arrest for exposing his privates in public. “Well, what about that woman in there? ” “I thought you told me that you didn’t see who did it,” the officer said. ” “Uhhh . . no . . that’s okay. Let’s just get out of here,” Jack said. He kept staring through the window at Connie, who was still folding clothes.

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